Report 1

I feel somewhat obliged to apologize to my readers for my previous blog entry, especially to anyone who may have been sent into anaphylactic shock by my numerous references to theoretical mathematics. If it wasn’t terribly clear, I had only been attempting to explain that most of what you will find on this site is merely conjecture and not sufficient to establish the guilt of anyone suspected. To me, this is important because it goes with the presumption of innocence; we cannot go around saying that Mr. So-and-so is Crystal Eagle (CE) based solely on the things I write. Names will inevitably pop up, and while I am all for vigilance I don’t want anyone unduly accused based on inferences that could very well prove to be false.

Readers, I’ll really need your help here. I, being horribly introverted, am not nearly as well-connected as I would like, so gathering data isn’t exactly easy for me. You, my readers, however, probably do have some of the right connections. If you do wish to help, please email me what you have at

and place in your subject line the words “Crystal Eagle” so that the email is filtered into the appropriate folder. I would be very thankful for any assistance you may extend to me to this end. Rest assured, I will be very careful with your privacy and not disclose your name unless you give me the go signal. If it bothers you so much you can use an anonymous/pseudonymous (apparently it is a word) alt. However, I will be posting anything and everything you tell me on this blog.

Now, for what you’ve been waiting for:

CE almost certainly is/has an individual writer.

Contrary to the first set of conclusions CE Hunter posted, the tone of CE’s pieces has been pretty consistent throughout. Condescending, snarky, trying-hard-to-be-Gossip-Girl. Even the little formatting tricks, such as the question/answer format and the are pretty much kept intact. The syntax follows patterns, too, as well are the missing words, commas, and other slip-ups.

CE is probably a junior.

I’m pretty sure that no one believes that, as CE originally claimed, that she is an unemployed college graduate with too much time on her hands. Indeed, she seems to have dropped that tack.

Remember how CE claimed that she had been Makki Araneta’s classmate? This could get us started. Since Makki is a sophomore, and classmates are, from my experience, usually at most one year apart, CE is between freshman and junior year. With CE’s allusions to JEEP and marketing subjects, on the other hand, she would probably be at least a junior. Logically, she would most probably be a junior.

Furthermore, the seniors are cramming like hell this time of year, as has been rightfully pointed out. I can only imagine what stress my senior classmates are undergoing right now due to the fact that they have only a couple of weeks left. Crystal Eagle, on the other hand, seems to have way too much time on her hands.

CE is probably from SOM.

Ogilvy and Drucker, to whom CE alluded in her entry on Ian, aren’t exactly common knowledge, not to me anyway, and I think my definition of common knowledge is pretty broad. I, someone who can win the P1,000,000 on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire least half the time if given a chance, honestly didn’t know about them until I found them in CE’s post. David Ogilvy, however, being the father of advertising, is someone whose name would probably come out in a marketing subject. As for Peter Drucker, he wrote a lot about management theory and practice. Sounds a lot like a SOM student to me.

I have more evidence suggesting this later.

CE is, despite all attempts to come off as a woman, quite likely to be male.

Yes, despite my use of the feminine pronoun at the beginning. Remember, this is all conjecture, so I’m willing to play along and start with the shaky assumption that this person is really a woman. This is where CE Hunter and I sort of disagreed initially, though both of us have admitted that gender is a bit of a point of uncertainty. CE Hunter originally posited that there was an 80% chance of CE being female. I objected to this, feeling that CE was trying too hard to pose as a female, and wasn’t even doing it right (seriously, I think no self-respecting girl will say “I bet my pink panties” in two consecutive blog entries). I felt that CE’s entries were but a mishmash of stereotypes.

However, despite this gut feel, I had one lead at some point, or so I thought, based on numerous accusations I have seen in the comments; the accused did happen to be female. Eventually, though, I had found that this is in fact highly unlikely.

CE, despite her passionate hatred for Ian, likely doesn’t know him all that well, and probably has not been involved in Sanggu.

Wait, what?

Some people have been quick to jump at citing politics as a motive, as a few of his victims are running for and/or have been in positions of power, and this is all coming just before the Sanggu elections. I did, for one, initially dismissing the article on Jaz as a clever smokescreen. However, a bit more careful poking around told me that this person really doesn’t care about politics.

CE asked us if any of us can name one thing Ian did in his tenure. Well, I’m pretty sure that anyone privy to Sanggu work would know about the much-criticized “awareness” act, which he co-authored. If this person wanted to defame Ian so badly, he easily could’ve cited that. Not just the catch-all accusation that Ian didn’t do anything during his term. This was in the GUIDON, by the way, so it’s not like only Sanggu members can read it; this knowledge is hardly incriminating.

Furthermore, CE accused Ian of being a résumé-builder. Too bad for CE, if Ian really wanted to go corporate, then he wouldn’t’ve shifted from Management to AB Development Studies.

Did CE know that? This article lists his course as AB DS (someone really isn’t reading the GUIDON!). Ian’s FB page, which CE had stalked, doesn’t list his course at all.

Now, notice that, as of February 10, 2012, 8:49 PM, there is no mention at all of Ian’s course:

You done goofed, Crystal.

Contrast that, of course, with the entry on Job de Leon, which mentions that he is from AB Communication:

Good job, me. :)

However, this doesn’t mean at all that Ian is a total stranger to CE. After all, I talked to one of Ian’s schoolmates in high school, who is a SOM major as of this writing, and asked him where Ian was before he shifted. He responded something like “I think he’s been in Management ever since” and I very casually informed him that he was in DS now. Does that mean I have the perp? Nope, not quite. However, I just illustrated that it is possible for even schoolmates with a bit of a history together not to notice these kinds of things.

This means that CE may have thought that Ian was still in Management, bolstering further my hypothesis that CE is indeed a SOM student.

Now, we must remember that, of course, this is all conjecture, as I had explained it in my primer. I cannot say with certitude that CE is from SOM. However, I think this gives us a better place to start looking, instead of hurling aimless accusations at graduate students, senior DS students, or even CW majors.

Crystal Eagle, one way or another, we’re gonna find ya. We’re gonna getcha getcha getcha getcha.


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